


tell me that you love me (even if it's fake)

by kenmacool



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Post-Canon, Trans Bella Swan, Trans Male Character, trans beau swan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 05:15:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19244569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenmacool/pseuds/kenmacool
Summary: Beau is struggling. It's always felt like this; Edward or Jacob, Edward or Jacob? But he's not sure if he can be with either of them, and after almost three years he's determined to make a decision regarding them.And then he finds Paul at Emily's house.





	tell me that you love me (even if it's fake)

It was not unusual for Beau to feel like this, but he was conflicted.

 

He sat quietly at the kitchen table, stray hairs still decorated the surface from where Charlie had helped him use the clippers last night. The early sun glittered through the blinds and Beau realised he had been awake for far too long. He flipped the switch on the coffee maker, its gentle hum shaking him from a deadened slumber, only to lull him back into a sense of peace and rhythm. Beau did not particularly like coffee, but today he needed the courage to stay awake.

He did, however, like other things. Mostly books and his old truck, but these past few years had proven he really liked certain people. Namely two people, boys, who in one way or another had made themselves significant parts in his life. At first it was annoying; he had barely any peace with the two of them arguing and making snide comments at each other, constantly bristling and raising hackles whenever the other so much as looked in the wrong direction. After he had come out, Beau thought their bickering over him would stop, and so would their attraction to him. Surprisingly to him - and he was not sure if fortunately - both of them turned out to be furiously bisexual and their love for him, if anything, seemed to have increased ever since.

_Edward or Jacob_ , Beau mused, pouring the hot coffee into a mug.

It was a question he had been looking for answer to since he had turned eighteen. At first he thought it was easy - he was to be a vampire, to be immortal and live forever in Edward’s cold embrace. Then as time went on, as newborns and ancients fought bitterly over his blood, he became so damn _tired_ of it all; and Jacob’s warm smile and hugs became so much more inviting than the prospect of living like Edward forever. Yet still, two years on, both of them fought like it was just the same as always. And by _God_ was Beau conflicted and exhausted from it all. By and by, he found himself less in love with Edward, and his guilt was shunning him from Jacob.

He sighed. Being twenty years old and somehow not at college yet had given him far too much space to think about his own life and the men that continued to plague it.

That was also another thing though: Edward would leave eventually, but Jacob might still be here.

Beau groaned and slumped down in the dining chair again. This was far more complicated than he had ever signed up for and definitely messier than anything he _ever_ wanted. If only he, like the wolf pack, could imprint on someone; then all of this mess would be avoided because they would have no choice but to respect that his feelings belonged entirely to someone else. Almost instantly he felt guilty. He knew how the wolves were terrified of imprinting, of how their lives were stripped away so easily by something they could not control - and here he was, wishing for it because of two inconvenient boys. This was all way too much.

In the end, he realised, he should do _something_. Even if that was just driving to the reservation, it was better than him lying in bed and sighing for the umpteenth time that month. So it was not at all surprising that he soon found himself driving towards Emily’s place.

 

* * *

 

 

Emily’s place was a refuge for many people. Boys and girls from all over the reservation would come to her for advice or food, often both in combination with the flatscreen TV they got as a wedding gift. Beau could often be found at her table as well. Their friendship was easy going, not really requiring much from either side. Emily offered to feed him and he would help with chores around the house; and when all was said and done, they would sit together in a comfortable silence and watch whatever chick flick happened to be on. By far this had become his favourite type of day since he had graduated high school.

He pulled up into the bare driveway, noticing the lack of their car. Either Sam was out and or they had both decided to take an early morning trip. He knew Emily would be home at this time, but he remained anxious - he could not bare the personal embarrassment of turning up at her house while no one was there. So many things had started to make him anxious in the last year or so. _It must be the stress from Edward and Jake_ , he supposed.

Beau rapped on the door, softly so he would not wake anyone who was possibly sleeping over in Emily’s spare rooms; frankly he did not want to be responsible for any of the wolves morning moods and hunger. The door creaked open and from behind the gap Emily poked out. She smiled widely as she recognised him, Beau smiled back, half tired and worn from a sleepless night of woes. She opened the door completely and beckoned him in, dusting flour off her hands and reaching over to hug him hello.

“It’s always good to see your face around here, Beau,” she said, still smiling.

Emily stood back to look at him, an eyebrow raised, and Beau could feel her assessing him. He fidgeted. She frowned. A strange silence existed between them for a minute, waiting for either of them to speak and break the ice on Beau’s dark circles. Without saying anything, Emily placed one hand on the swell of her belly and reached over a countertop, she pulled out a large muffin and forced it into his hand.

“It’s blueberry,” she stated. “Now sit, eat that and tell me what’s going on?”

Beau picked an edge piece off and chewed on it slowly. He was not sure exactly what he would say, but at the same time he needed advice and counsel from _someone_. 

“It’s just Jake and Edward. Again,” he sighed.

“They’re not giving up, huh?”

“It’s not just that, it’s the constant _fighting._ ”

Beau planted his face on the table and groaned. Sliding halfway off his chair and pouting, he looked up at Emily.

“I wish I had something like you and Sam. I mean, not the whole baby part,” he clarified, gesturing vaguely towards Emily’s bump. “But the romance part. I’d like a boyfriend that’s normal and not, y’know, weird about my whole existence.”

Emily sat next him, her hands folded in front of her, and she looked at him and smiled fondly. He knew there was nothing she could feasibly do, but feeling her pet his hair was good, and immediately he was beginning to feel much calmer than before.

“I can’t magic you up a whole new boyfriend, honey,” she said softly. “However, I think you need a break don’t you?”  
“Yeah… God yeah, I really do.”

“Paul’s in the backroom watching the flatscreen, go steal the remote from him.”

Beau stared at Emily. She had a wry smile curling her lips that he could not quite figure out, like she knew something he did not. He shrugged his shoulders and picked up his muffin, he might as well go bother Paul - after all, what else was he going to do with his day? While he and Paul were not quite friends, their relationship had matured from its rocky beginnings, and Beau often liked to tease him, something he attributed to the draw he often felt towards him.

In the back room, he found Paul stretched out in just his underwear on a worn out La-Z-Boy. It was not quite the sight Beau expected to see, but Paul was attractive, so he would not complain. He flopped down on the sofa and stared at the flatscreen, some game was on, soccer or football he guessed. Instead of asking Paul to change the channel, Beau decided to take Emily’s suggestion, so he stood up again and reached over Paul’s shoulder. A strong hand gripped his wrist and he froze. He had not seen him move, and the grip prevented him from moving - he had honestly expected Paul to complain loudly, maybe whine a little bit, and he definitely did not expect him to take such a sudden physical action.

“Not even gonna say hey, huh?” He heard Paul chuckle.

Beau pouted, “Let me go.”

“Oh? Why?”

“Don’t be a dick.”

“Fine, fine.” 

Paul let his wrist go and stood up straight. Beau drew in a sharp breath.

He knew Paul was unpredictable, but he did not expect him to be aggressive; he was sure he would not be, but right now his lithe muscles rippled under his stretches, every bit a predator. It was not so much that Beau was _afraid_ of him, it was rather more his attraction to him that made him so nervous to be in his presence. Paul was not cold and distant like Edward was, a perfect picture of Protestant Christian piety left over from his religious upbringing. Yet neither was he like Jacob, who’s desire was warm and throbbed, aching from his pores as a loud facet of his love. Paul was somewhere in between, raw masculinity and sensitivity radiated from him, he had never proclaimed nor denied his own attraction to Beau, but it was no secret between them why they avoided close contact. 

And Beau could feel himself shifting under the desire that pulled him towards Paul, all his thoughts and feelings diverted towards the man in front of him.

Paul was staring at him intensely, his tongue barely licked his dry lips.

Beau was getting dizzy. His eyes felt hooded and mouth parched, his legs were weak and he barely registered himself falling backwards back onto the sofa. All he could do was nod as Paul leant over him, gaze at how soft the other man’s parted lips looked, he just wanted to _drown_ in how good he smelled right now. Paul was so close their foreheads almost touched, the space between them stifled in the tension.

“Can I kiss you?” Paul whispered.

Beau almost choked as he replied, “ _Yes_.”

Their lips somehow collided and touched so softly, desperately. Beau was fervent, he needed to taste _more,_ to _feel_ more than just their body heat through his denim jeans. He scooted backwards, giving Paul more space on top of him and his hands more skin to roam. Paul’s hair was short but hesomehow curled his fingers fingers in it, pulling him closer and deeper, feeling his tongue trace his bottom lip as he separated them. Beau whined at the sudden loss of contact. He tried to pull Paul back and pressed himself needily against him, only to be hushed as soon as he tried.

Warm hands teased his t-shirt and he raised his arms up, wiggling out of it in a daze. Paul stared at him, his own gaze darkened and lips wet from their desperate kisses. He lowered his head and Beau felt him press soft kisses along his scars, stopping only to take a nipple into his mouth, eliciting a sudden gasp that filled the room. Beau squirmed, feeling himself get needier with every passing second. God he should be _embarrassed_ at letting him see him like this so suddenly, but _fuck it_ , he could not be embarrassed when he needed and wanted Paul so badly he felt like he would burn up. Every inch of his body felt heightened in sensitivity and at feeling Paul’s hardness grind against his growing wetness, he could _barely_ contain himself.

Paul pulled back; he groaned like it was the hardest thing he had ever had to do and Beau felt like he could cry at what he needed being so far so suddenly. 

At the sudden feeling of a mouth on his clit, Beau felt a sharp moan catch in his throat and his toes begin to curl. _God_ where had Paul learnt to do that? A seemingly expert tongue dipped into him, feeling like it was savouring what it was tasting, and then _sucking_ where he was most sensitive. Beau shivered. He dug his fingers into Paul’s hair, trying to grind and get as much of this as he possibly good. _Oh God,_ he was getting so, so close, he was so hot and so desperate and-

Just as suddenly as it had started, Paul stopped. His lips glistened and instead of saying anything immediately, he pressed a quick kiss to Beau’s half open mouth.

“Flip,” he said hoarsely. “Now.”

Beau did as he was told, the air now cold on his ass and he keened for Paul’s heat against him. Soon he heard crinkling behind him and the tell-tale click of a bottle of lube, and he felt a gentle kiss on the back of his neck.

“Ready?” Paul whispered.

“ _Please,_ ” he moaned. 

He pressed himself back, desperately trying to get _anything_ , but he felt Paul’s strong hand on his hip and the tip of his cock tease him ever so tantalisingly.

What he did not expect was how achingly _full_ he would feel as Paul bottomed out inside him, how it felt like Paul’s cock was reaching parts inside him that had never been reached by anyone before. Again, he felt his toes curl, this feeling was _delicious_ and God, he did not know if he could go back to anything unsatisfying ever again. Paul’s ragged breathing against his neck sent shivers down his spine and he shifted his hips, trying to elicit movement from the man above him.

Paul began to move, long, slow strokes that dragged against Beau’s oversensitive skin. He slammed his hips into him, setting a steady rhythm that was already threatening to send him over edge. It was all just so _much_ and yet he need so much more than what was happening now. As if he could tell what Beau was feeling, Paul picked up the pace, his cock hitting the sweet spot inside him that made him _sob_. It was so, so good, almost far too good and tears began to fall down his cheeks - and God did he _love_ it all.

Between his open sobs and quiet, breathy _pleases_ , Beau felt Paul’s teeth against the soft part of the back of his neck. As Paul bit down _hard,_ he mewled and shuddered in an utter sign of submission, completely willing to let this man take him and do him as hard as wanted, because _fuck_ did he need it. The primal ache in his gut called for Paul to completely take him, to fill him further and make sure that _everyone_ knew how deeply he now belonged to him.

Paul’s hips began stuttering and _fuck fuck fuck_ Beau could feel they were both so close to spilling over the edge. He was _sobbing_ now and Paul was _growling_ now; both so close it was painful and desperate, he could feel himself melting under his partner’s touch, soon to become nothing under everything this was.

And _there_ it was. Beau shook as he came, crying out as the warmth spread down his legs, making him collapse and shudder, his eyes rolled back further than he thought possible. Paul gasped, rolling his hips a few more times before he too collapsed, his entire weight pressed down on top of Beau. 

They both lay there like that, smouldering in the sweaty mess they had made and the after light of what had just happened between them. Beau felt Paul push a hand under his stomach and hold him close, eventually flipping them so he lay on his chest, finally able to look into the other man’s eyes with clarity. It was still there, though. He still felt as if things began to align around Paul, like something was there behind the scenes, calling him to pay attention to this wolf underneath him. He did not know what it was, but strangely, quietly, he felt far more at peace with Paul than he ever had with any other boy.

He shuffled forward slightly and planted a kiss on Paul’s mouth.  
“So, want to tell me why you have condoms and lube with you this early in the morning?” Beau asked, a smile curled his lips.

Paul flushed red, his mouth opened, then closed again before he even tried to find an answer.

Beau laughed softly, “Shh it’s okay, I’m not complaining.”

Before Paul could begin to say anything, he kissed him again. It was better to revel in this moment, in the quietness and afterglow that surrounded them, than think of the possibilities that could rear their heads. He was okay with that, right now, in this gentleness, all that mattered was each other.

**Author's Note:**

> this is so indulgent and a pairing that doesn't normally exist but me and my bf have feelings


End file.
